Among Us Logic 9/Transcript

Investigation
(Player turns on a light and stares at Veteran, Mr. Cheese next to him.)

Player: Alright bub, we’re the last 3 players remaining, and we’re onto you. You better start talking.

Mr. Cheese: You’re gonna sing like a little canary! Tweet-tweet, ha ha.

Veteran: Listen, you’ve got the wrong guy! Where am I? What’s going o-

(Player slaps Veteran.)

Player: I’ll be asking all the questions around here, pal. Alright, first question-

Mr. Cheese: What’s your favourite colour?

Veteran: Uh, yellow?

Mr. Cheese: Wrong answer, pal.

(Mr. Cheese slaps Veteran.)

Veteran: Ow, dude!

Player: Hey, Mr. Cheese, uh, quick sidebar?

Mr. Cheese: Oh, hey, sure thing.

(Player and Mr. Cheese turn around.)

Player: OK, first off Mr. Cheese, you’re doing great,

Mr. Cheese: Yeah, thanks. I definitely thought so.

Player: Just got a couple notes for you is all.

Mr. Cheese: Uh-huh?

Player: OK, first, your questions need to be about the murders, ‘cause we’re trying to figure out who the killer is.

Mr. Cheese: Oh yeah! Right right right! Ha ha! Good note, good note.

Player: And second, before we went into this, we kind of agreed that you would be the good cop, and I would be the bad cop.

Mr. Cheese: Yeah, but I wanna be the bad cop. I’m sort of a loose cannon that plays by his own rules.

Player: OK, fine. I was really looking forward to it, but I will switch and be the good cop, and you can be the bad cop.

Mr. Cheese: Great idea, Player!

(The two turn back to Veteran.)

Player: Sorry about that Veteran. It’s been a stressful game for everyone, I think. We just want to ask you a couple questions in order to get to the bottom of this. Can I get you anything? A water, coffee, perhaps?

Veteran: Uh, no thanks.

Mr. Cheese: How about I bring you a nice warm glass of goat’s milk? Mmm, delicious!

Veteran: Ew? Why would you warm up goat’s milk?

Mr. Cheese: Well, I didn’t intentionally. It’s been sitting in my car all day.

Player: We’re gonna need another sidebar.

(The two turn around again.)

Mr. Cheese: What’s up, partner?

Player: Mr. Cheese, the whole good cop, bad cop routine only works when there’s one good cop and one bad cop.

Mr. Cheese: Right, makes sense.

Player: So which one do you wanna be?

Mr. Cheese: I wanna be the silly cop!

Player: What?

Mr. Cheese: Yeah, I wanna be the real youngster of the precinct! I can solve crime scenes with laughter!

Player: No! There is no silly cop!

Veteran: You guys know I can hear everything you’re saying, right?

Player: Alright, just tell us what the heck happened back there, or else you’re gonna get voted off!

Mr. Cheese: SPILL THE BEANS, PUNK!

A "Couple" of Problems
Veteran: OK, no problem. The game started out just like any other, until I got into Electrical.

(Veteran runs into Electrical where Mr. Cheese and TheGentleman are doing tasks.)

TheGentleman: Good evening, my dear sir!

Veteran: Wassup, Gentledude?

Mr. Cheese: My name Mr. Cheese!

TheGentleman: Ugh. Why are you like this?

Mr. Cheese: TheGentleman, I didn’t mean to-

TheGentleman: Don’t!

Veteran: OK, why don’t I just do my task in here and then I’ll give you guys some space.

(Veteran completes the Calibrate Distributor task.)

Veteran: OK, that was easy en-OH MY GOD!

(TheGentleman has been sliced in half. Mr. Cheese is cradling his upper half.)

Mr. Cheese: RIP in peace, sweet prince...

(Mr. Cheese closes TheGentleman’s eyes and starts crying. The body is reported.)

My Name not Mr. Cheese
Veteran: TheGentleman is dead, everyone!

(Everyone gasps.)

Veteran: I know, right? It’s crazy!

Player: Well, what did you see?

Veteran: Honestly, nothing. I was just doing my task. It was the Calibration one, did it first try, let’s not make a big deal out of it.

Captain: Who else was in there with you, Veteran?

Veteran: Just Mr. Cheese.

Goober: Lets! Kill! Him!

Mr. Cheese: Wait everyone, it wasn’t me, it was Mother!

Mother: Me? I would never!

Mr. Cheese: She vented, killed TheGentleman, and vented again while Veteran was distracted! She was trying to frame me!

Mother: Oh, that’s ridiculous!

Captain: Is it, Mother? I’ll tell you what’s ridiculous - imagining this little guy is An Impostor. I mean, just look at him!

(Mr. Cheese makes an adorable face at the camera as Captain is speaking.)

Player: I’m still not so sure guys. He could be telling the truth, but he’s also the most likely suspect. Maybe we should vote him off just to be safe?

Mr. Cheese: Guys, if Mother is not Impostor, then my name NOT MR. CHEESE.

(Everyone gasps.)

Veteran: Oh! But your name Mr. Cheese!

Captain: Everyone vote out Mother!

Goober: KILL HER!!!

(Mother is ejected. She is An Impostor.)

Relationships? No
Player: Nice work everyone, only one Impostor left to go!

(PoopyFarts farts. Player ends the story.)

Player: Alright Veteran, cut the crap. I know all this stuff already. You’re the second impostor, aren’t you?

Mr. Cheese: It’ll be seriously messed up if you were. ADMIT IT!

Veteran: What, No! I’m not! I swear!

Player: It has to be you! Because we know it’s not Mr. Cheese, and we know it’s not me.

Veteran: Wait a sec, DO we know it’s not you?

Mr. Cheese: Yeah…

Player: OK, before you do whatever you’re thinking, just-

(The lights turn off. When they turn back on, Veteran has been let out of the chair and Player has been tied to it, with his mouth duct taped shut.)

Player (Muffled): WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PLEASE, LET ME OUT! HELP!

Veteran: I can’t understand him. Can you understand him?

Mr. Cheese: That’s a big nope-sicle for me, Veteran.

(Veteran rips the duct tape off Player’s mouth.)

Player: Ow! Why would you put the duct tape on if you were just gonna rip it off right away?

Veteran: I don’t know, it looks cool in the movies.

Mr. Cheese: Yeah, let’s duct tape him again, he he he he he!

Player: Wait wait wait wait, just here my side of the story first, OK? After the meeting, I went to MedBay.

(Player runs to MedBay, where Captain is in the middle of a scan.)

Captain: Oh, hey Player! Are you wanting to use the scanner too?

Player: Yep, it’s my last task.

Captain: Don’t worry, I’m almost done!

(Captain finishes his scan, and Player steps on.)

Captain: Here! It’s all yours.

Player: Thanks.

Captain: While I gotcha here Player, I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t show up to our daily best friend picnic. I waited for hours.

Player: We don’t have daily best friend picnics, Captain.

Captain: I know, ‘cause you never come to them. That’s what I’m saying! You know, sometimes I get the feeling that I like being your friend a lot more than you like being mine, which is obviously ridiculous, you’re pretty much obsessed with me! But when you don’t come to our daily picnics or Saturday bingo or my birthday party, I can’t help but get the feeling that you don’t like me very much.

(The scanner obscures Player's vision for a few seconds. Player finishes his scan, clearing his vision and revealing the bodies of Goober and PoopyFarts.)

Player: Captain! What did you do?!

(Captain notices the bodies.)

Captain: Oh. Well now these make me look very suspicious.

Backstabbed
(The body is reported.)

Player: Everybody vote out Captain! He’s guilty!

Captain: No, please!

Veteran: What makes you think it was him?

Player: I saw him kill PoopyFarts and Goober!

Mr. Cheese: Wait, so you actually witnessed him committing these vicious acts of violence?

Player: No, not technically. I was in the middle of the scanner when it must have happened. But he was the only other person in there. It was definitely him!

Captain: Wow, Player. You know, it hurts when your best friends don’t show up to support you. This is like my birthday party all over again!

Player: All those in favour of voting out Captain, say aye.

Player and Veteran: Aye!

Mr. Cheese: My name Mr. Cheese!

Captain: Wait, before you kick me out! You all did get my birthday invitations, right? I mean, my mailman has held a grudge against me since my pet’s named Charlie bit him, so maybe they got lost in the mail, or-

Mr. Cheese: Heh, we all got the invitations, Captain. Trust me.

Captain: Oh. I see...

(Captain is ejected. He is a Crewmate.)

Player: We really should’ve gone to his birthday party.

Veteran: It was at a CC’s Pizza, Player. Gross!

Blammed
Player: And that brings us to the Present.

Veteran: Well, that story didn’t help at all.

Player: It doesn’t help because I’m not The Impostor!

Veteran: Well, neither am I!

Mr. Cheese: Guys, guys, guys, we’re running out of time, and I have no idea which one of you should live! Do rock paper scissors.

Player: Fine.

Veteran: Yeah, that seems fair enough.

(Player and Veteran hold their hands into formation.)

Player: Alright, you ready?

Veteran: Ready.

Both: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

(Player chooses rock, Veteran chooses scissors.)

Player: Yes! I won!

Veteran: NOOOOOO!

Mr. Cheese: Congratulations, Player, looks like you’ll live; and get to watch Veteran DIE!

(Mr. Cheese shoots Veteran in the face, killing him.)

Player: Dang it!