Minecraft Logic/Transcript

Overview

Transcript

Minecraft, ooh.
(Player spawns into Minecraft.)

Player: So this is Minecraft. The game I've been missing out of for years, guess it's better late then never.

(Screen zooms out to the world.)

Player: Wow, this place sure is beautiful. Filled with beautiful vegetation and wildlife. There's only one thing to do in a beautiful world like this..

(Player hits a tree, a flower, a grass block and then a sheep.)

My love, NOO!
Player: Nice, I got some wool, (Player picks up the block.) maybe now I can make a bed.

Veterham: But how could you sleep at night, after what you've done to my family.

Player: What? A talking pig? I didn't know you little guys could speak.

Veterham: Yes, I could speak. But more importantly, I can feel. Pain, sorrow, grief, I will never forgive you for killing my love.

Player: Wait, you are a pig in love with a sheep? That seems kind of.. wrong.

Veterham: You just sound like our families. They never approved of us either. It was a real Romeo, Juliet situation, except with farm animals so it was crazy adorable.

Player: Well hey, I'm sorry, I had no idea.

Veterham: Save your sorries. Like I said, I will never forgive you, you've made a mortal enemy today and there's nothing literally nothing you can do that will ever change that.

Let's explore!
(Player pulls out a carrot on a stick.)

Veterham: Ooh, gimme gimme gimme.

Player: So, we're even?

Veterham: Oh yeah, for sure. It was never gonna work out with what's her face anyhow.

Player: You know, you sound exactly like a friend of mine. I'm gonna name you after him.

Veterham: But I already have a name.

Player: What is it?

Veterham: Eric.

Veterham: Nah, I hate that.

Player: from now on, your new name is Veterham!

Veterham: Wow, that's a truly stupid name, but you keep those sweet sweet carrots dangling in front of my face, and I'll let you call me anything you want.

(Player places a saddle on Veterham and mounts him.)

Veterham: Wow, okay I guess we're just mounting our friends now.

(Player grabs his carrot on a stick.) Player: Onward Veterham! We've got a farm to build!

(Player and Veterham do activities together and make a farm until the day ends.)

Player: It really is wonderful, isn't it.

Veterham: It sure is.

Player: I mean, it was hard work. A lot of blood sweat and tears went into this place, but, it was all worth it in the end. I couldn't have done it without you Veterham.

Veteham: Yeah, not to ruin your grand accomplishment or anything but I still really hate that name.

Player: Veterham, please.

(Veterham looks at the moon.) Veterham: Hey, it's night time now, we better head back inside.

Player: Why, what happens at night?

Oh look, a spider.
(Player gets hit with an arrow by a skeleton and falls into a hole.)

Veterham: Seriously dude? We're having a moment?

(Veterham dodges a arrow.) Veterham: Ah, jeez dude, chill, chill.

(Player falls to the ground.)

Player: Ouch, god I can't see anything in here. I better make a torch.

(Player makes a torch and places it on a block.)

Player: Wow, cool.

Mr. Spider: Yep, it's pretty great in here all right. My name Mr. Spider.

Player: Woah, stay back spider, I'm warning you.

Mr. Spider: Jeez, why you get so jumpy. You see an innocent little cave spider and immediately assume I want to hurt you. That's messed up.

Player: Oh, well, if you're not here to hurt me, then what's your purpose?

Mr. Spider: To take you to the diamond garden.

Player: The diamond garden?

Mr. Spider: Yes Player, the diamond garden, It's a magical place. It's got more diamond ores than anyone making mine but only I knew the secret path to get there.

Player: Wait, did you just call me Player? How did you know my name?

Mr. Spider: That's not important. Now, do you want to go to the diamond garden or not?

Player: Yes, sorry, lead the way!

(Mr. Spider walks with Player following.) Mr. Spider: All right, follow me. Try keep up, got eight legs.

(Player and Mr. Spider arrive.)

Mr. Spider: And that's it, we're here!

Player: Finally. So uh, where are all of the diamond ores?

(Mr. Spider laughs.)

Mr. Spider: You stupid naive Player, you feel right into my trap!

(More Spiders surround Player.) Player: Uhm, Mr. Spider?

Mr. Spider: Brethren, attack!

(The Spider Army tries to kill Player but he kills them instead.)

Mr. Spider: You slained the dreaded spider army! No one has ever survived their onslaught. Please noble warrior, spare so I may travel across the land, telling of your perilous feat and indomitable courage in battle. You will become a legend for villagers, a beacon of hope, (Player attacks Mr. Spider.) they'll spread through- AGH (Mr. Spider dies.)

Player: Cool, spider eyes!

Creeper? Aww man.
(It changes to morning and Player returns.)

Veterham: Hey, you made it back alive. I thought you were gonna be Prey for sure.

Player: No way, I mean, I did have a run in with some spiders. But nothing I couldn't handle. I see you held down the fort.

Veterham: Yep, the crops are watered, the animals are all fed. Everything here is in perfect condition.

Player: Welp, better go drop my loot off into the chest.

(Player walks to his house and goes inside with Veterham following.)

Veterham: You know, you should really consider hiring a interior decorator. It's not very inviting in here.

Player: It's functional.

Veterham: Well that's a low bar.

(Player walks over to his chest.) Player: All right and into the chest goes some cobblestone and these spider eyes.

Veterham: Yuck, what could you possibly make with spider eyes?

Player: Fermented spider eyes.

Veterham: Gross, sorry I asked.

Player: Ah Veterham, I just can't get over how well this adventure has gone so far. Everything's coming up Player.

(Player opens his door and a Creeper appears.)

(The Creeper starts to explode.) Player: No no nononono-

(The Creeper explodes killing Player and his farm.)

Veterham: Ha, classic Player.