Among Us Logic 14/transcript

There are 100 Players Among Us
[The opening screen for a round begins, with the red crewmate making a “shh” signal to the audience.]

Red crewmate: Shhh.

[A screen with Player and 100 other characters appear. It reads “CREWMATE - There are 10 impostors among us”.]

[Player spawns in the Skeld. The other players run around in the background.]

Player: What the?! This can’t be right.

[He calls an emergency meeting.]

Player: Okay, can anyone tell me what’s going on here?

ProGamer: Well, uh, you see--

All other players: (overlapping chatter)

Player: Oh my God! My ears! My ears! Aaaaah--Make it STOP!

[Scene cuts to him getting ejected and floating out into space.]

Player: Oh, thank God.

Sponsorship
[Scene cuts to the cheater’s lobby. Sir Clogsworth promotes the episode’s sponsor, Dragon City. Full transcript to be added later.]

Acceptance is the Last Stage of Grief
[Player respawns in the lobby.]

Player: It’s not fair. I finally won a match, and just ‘cause I cheated just a tiny little bit, I’m stuck in this cheater’s lobby forever?

[Camera pans to show Sir Clogsworth sitting on a box and playing the harmonica.]

Player: I don’t get it, Sir Clogsworth. How can you be okay with being trapped in this place? It’s dirty, dark, dank, drab…

Sir Clogsworth: Don’t forget derelict, dangerous, duplicitous, and discordant.

Player: Deformed, deranged, deviant…

Sir Clogsworth: Dire, dour, dodgy, dubious, dusty, dismal, dreary…

Player: Yeah! And, um, uh...it sucks!

Sir Clogsworth: Indeed it does, Mr. Player! But you’ve made your bed. Now you must lie in it.

Player: (sighs) Fine. I guess I’m just sad I’ll never get to see any of my old friends again. Like Veteran, Poopyfarts, Mother--

Mr. Cheese: And Mr. Cheese!

Player: Mr. Cheese?! You’re here, too?

Mr. Cheese: Yeah, it’s freaking bullcrap! I cheated, like, four episodes ago when I made Gentlebot.

Sir Clogsworth: Well, greetings and salutations to you, fellow cheater. I am Sir Clogsworth.

Mr. Cheese: Why hello, Sir Clogsworth. My name Mr. Cheese.

Player: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I am so glad you’re around, Mr. Cheese. Maybe this lobby won’t be so bad, after all.

Mr. Cheese: Heh, I’ll say. This is a magical place with no rules, Player. Just watch this -- look how high I can jump! (grunt of effort)

[He hops about an inch off the ground. Slight pause.]

Player: (unimpressed) Yeah, very cool, Mr. Cheese.

Old and New Faces
Sir Clogsworth: Aha, yes! Now, allow me to introduce you all, starting with--

[Camera pans as Angel floats down in a beam of light, wings akimbo.]

Player: Angel?!

Sir Clogsworth: Oh, you know her? She’s been here for quite some time. Apparently she violated the kill cooldown counter.

Mr. Cheese: O-M-G! That explains minute 5:27 of the first episode!

[Camera pans to show several humanoid blue crewates wearing American football uniforms. One of them stabs a football with his knife and deflates it.]

Sir Clogsworth: Next we have the New England Patriots!

Player: Wait, why are there New England Patriots here?

Mr. Cheese: Are you kidding me? These guys are the biggest cheaters of them all.

[Scene cuts to various glamor shots of Ms. Pink: clicking her boots, holding a knife, putting it in a sheath at her hip. She strides towards the camera.]

Sir Clogsworth: Last but certainly not least, we have the most amazing, incredible, bee-ee-ay-yootiful player this game has ever seen. It’s Miss Pink!

Ms. Pink: Hiya, Clogsworth. Who are your friends?

Sir Clogsworth: Hello Ms. Pink! This orange is Mr. Cheese, and this gentleman is, uh…

Player: (bashful) Hi...M-My name’s, uh, Player. (nervous giggle)

Mr. Cheese: Way to stay smooth, ding-dong.

Player: (to Ms. Pink) Maybe when we get in there, we could work together. Or something. Never mind, it’s stupid. (nervous giggle) So dumb.

Ms. Pink: (chuckle) I like you. See you in there...tiger.

Player: (strange bashful noises)

Sir Clogsworth: Wow. It’s hard to believe someone like her could be a dirty, no-good rotten cheater like the rest of us.

Mr. Cheese: Eh, she just doesn’t do it for me. Personally, I prefer the subtle, round, bean shape.

Player: (giggling) She called me tiger. Rawr.

Sir Clogsworth: Well, we better start the next match.

Mr. Cheese: Wait, it’s not going to be another 100-person game again, right? That was horrible!

Sir Clogsworth: No, no, no. This next one will be much...smaller.

A Little Problem
[The round begins. Player and Angel are impostors. Player spawns on the Skeld floor.]

Player: All right. This is my chance. Time to--Wait a minute. Why is everything so BIG?

[Camera zooms out to show a huge cafeteria table. Angel approaches Player.]

Angel: Everything’s not big, Player. We’re just really, really bitty!

Player: But--but why?

Angel: Haven’t you played with the Tiny Impostor mod on before?

Player: No. This is crazy!

[The ground shakes as loud crashing sounds are heard. Camera pans out to show Mr. Cheese lumbering around. From Player and Angel’s perspective, he is huge.]

Mr. Cheese: (slowly) Myyyyyy name Misterrrrrr Cheeeeeeeese.

Player: Okay, this is the stuff of nightmares! How are we even supposed to kill people like this?

Angel: Don’t worry, I’ve got this. (martial arts cries)

[Angel pulls out twin katanas with cords attached. She uses a grappling device to fling herself at Mr. Cheese.]

Mr. Cheese: Huuuuuuuuh?

[Screen goes black as a white swipe cuts across it. It immediately cuts back to Mr. Cheese.]

Mr. Cheese: Owwwwwwchieeeeeee!

[Mr. Cheese’s head pops off. Angel lands next to Player.]

Player: Wow! Angel, that was incredible!

Angel: You see Player? It isn’t that hard. In fact, being tiny can be lots of fun.

Player: Yeah, I guess you’re right. Okay, we can do this.

Angel: You bet we can! Now come on, we got a game to win and players to--

[Ms. Pink steps on Angel.]

Player: ANGELLLLLL!

[Ms. Pink lifts her foot, revealing that she has squashed Angel into goo.]

Player: Whoa! Ms. Pink?

Ms. Pink: Hey, little guy. Enjoying the game?

Player: I--I don’t understand! How did you kill Angel? She was an impostor!

Ms. Pink: Heh, isn’t it obvious? I cheated.

Player: Oh. Right.

Ms. Pink: And it looks like you’re next, stud.

Player: Wait, no! AAAAAAH!

Cheating is Bad, Kids
[Just before Ms. Pink can step on him too, they are interrupted by someone reporting Mr. Cheese’s body.]

Sir Clogsworth: Ms. Pink! I found Mr. Cheese’s body in the cafeteria.

Ms. Pink: Yes, I know. I was able to kill Angel, the impostor responsible for his death. And now, we just need to vote out Player.

Sir Clogsworth: Why do you think it’s Player?

Ms. Pink: Because we have the Tiny Impostors mod on, and he is very, very small.

Player: You know what? Fine! I am an impostor. But if this is a cheater’s lobby where anyone can do whatever they want, then why does that even matter? Ms. Pink has killed more players than I have. I don’t even care about winning anymore. I just want to go back to my friends.

Sir Clogsworth: Well, there’s only one way out of the cheater’s lobby, kid. And no-one is willing to do it.

Player: I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. What is it?

Sir Clogsworth: You just have to renounce your victory to Innersloth, admitting you never really won. Because you cheated, and cheating is bad.

Player: You mean, I just have to say something like…

[Emotional background music kicks in]

Player: I’m sorry Innersloth, grand masters of Among Us, I really, really wanted to win, so I cheated. I never should have let my friends convince me it was a good idea. I’ve learned my lesson. I know that victory doesn’t really count. I renounce it all. Cheating is wrong, and it’s never worth it! And when I finally do win one for real, it’ll be because I deserved it, not because I used some cheap mod.

[Player disappears from the cheater’s lobby. He respawns in Captain’s lobby.]

Player: Wow. I cannot believe that actually worked.

[Credits roll.]