Among Us Logic 5/transcript

Raps Come In Skill
[The episode opens on Veteran hopping from foot to foot, accompanied by a rap beat. He poses at himself in the bathroom mirror. Player knocks on the door.]

Player: (muffled through door) Come on, Vet-rabbit! You’re up!

Veteran: Just--uh--just give me a minute! (to self) All right, Veteran. You only get one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

Voice on soundtrack: Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!

[Cut to Veteran rapping onstage, accompanied by Player and Stoner. The crowd cheers.]

Crowd: Veteran! Veteran! Veteran!

[Music halts as the scene cuts to Veteran sleeping in the dropship.]

Why So Hostile, Player?
Player: (offscreen) Veteran!

Veteran: Whuh! I’m awake, I’m awake.

Player: Let me guess. The 8-mile dream again?

Veteran: Yeah.

Player: How’d the gorillas react?

Veteran: Oh, no, that’s the weird part. This time, the crowd was just normal people.

Player: Well, there’s no more time for napping. Captain says he’s gonna make an important announcement soon.

Veteran: Tight.

[The Gentleman and Mr. Egg approach.]

The Gentleman: Salutations, my good sirs.

Veteran: What’s up, my homies?

Player: Hey, the Gentleman! (scornfully) ...And Mr. Egg.

Mr. Egg: What do you think Captain’s announcement is going to be?

Player: (mocking) What do you think Captain’s announcement’s gonna be? (normal voice) That’s how stupid you sound all the time, Mr. Egg. You idiot. You dumb dork moron.

The Gentleman: Mr. Player! You forget yourself.

Veteran: Yeah, dude. You’re giving off a really weird energy right now.

Player: (points at Mr. Egg) He started it!

[Pan to Captain.]

Captain: All right, pay attention, everyone. I thought maybe we could try something a little bit different this round. What do you think about adding a third Impostor?

The Gentleman: A third Impostor? That’s lunacy!

Mr. Egg: “It’s lunacy,” he says.

Player: (mocking noises)

Mother: Yeah! Two Impostors are bad enough. Think of the children.

Stoner: Dude. Like, it just seems like it might mess with the whole vibe, you know?

Engineer: Technically speaking, it would make it exponentially more difficult to win as a crewmate.

Gnome: (glomming on to Engineer) I agree with Engineer! He’s so smart, and handsome.

Veteran: Dude! How the heck did Engineer pull such a smoking hottie? Hubba hubba.

Player: Everyone looks exactly the same here, Veteran.

[Veteran compares himself to Gnome.]

Veteran: Okay, yeah. Just keep telling yourself that, pal.

Captain: Enough, everyone. I hear you loud and clear. You don’t want to add a third Impostor. But since we know that these informal pow-wow sessions are largely informal, I’m gonna go ahead with the changes anyway.

Player: Yeah, that seems about right.

Best Friends or Enemies?
[The round begins. Player, Mother, and Captain are the Impostors. Everyone spawns in the Polus dropship. While the others disperse, Player and Captain stand just outside the ship. Veteran stops and goes back to them.]

Veteran: Dudes. Why’d we stop? Let’s go finish our tasks together. I’m probably gonna need help with at least all of them.

Player: Hey, you go on ahead, Veteran. I’m just gonna hang out with Captain for a bit.

Veteran: (suspicious) Wait...why?

Player: Well...uh...because--

Captain: Because he’s best friends with me now! And you’re cramping our style.

Veteran: (on the verge of tears) Player? Is this true?

Player: Uh...Yeah. I’m best friends with the Captain now.

Captain: Get lost, loser. I’m in, and you’re out.

Veteran: (weepy) Fine! Then I guess I won’t be needing this anymore!

[He reveals the B.F.F. bracelet on his arm. He whips it off and tosses it on the ground, then runs away crying. Captain picks up the bracelet.]

Captain: Dibs!

Player: I know you were trying to get rid of him so we could work together as Impostors, but that was a little harsh, don’t you think?

Captain: Oh yeah. We are both Impostors, aren’t we? I totally forgot about that whole thing.

[Mother walks onscreen from stage right.]

Mother: Ooh! Howdy, gang. I am really loving being on the impostor team for once. (Chortles) So. How many people have you killed?

Player: Uh, zero. How many have you killed?

Mother: Ah, just the one so far. But Timmy here did most of the stabbing.

[She pats Timmy on the head, who draws a knife and smirks.]

Mother: They grow up so fast.

Dead Body Reported!
[Someone reports Cub’s dead body.]

Captain: Geez Louise! I am totally surprised to find out a murder just happened! It probably wasn’t Mother or anything.

Stoner: Yeah, like, I wasn’t thinking it was her at all.

[Beat]

Captain: Cool. Cool, cool. Sounds like we’re all on the same page.

The Gentleman: I, for one, believe the killer to be none other than Veteran.

Veteran: What? But I’m the guy who reported the body! When I ran past it in Admin, I was like “Oh my God, no way. Someone should totally report this.” Then I realized that someone should probably be me.

Engineer: If I might interject, there’s a reasonable probability that it’s Stoner.

Stoner: Dude! Unchill.

Engineer: I’m sorry, Stoner. But I did see you near Admin not long before Veteran reported.

Gnome: (glomming on to him) I love it when you use that big, big brain of yours, babe! You know so many facts.

Engineer: With the most important fact being that I love you, times infinity.

Gnome: Aww!

Veteran: Barf. Can we please get on with the voting?

Stoner: Yeah, I’ll gladly vote myself out so I don’t have to hear any more of that gooey romantic crap.

Captain: All those in favor of casting Stoner into the cruel, fiery lava pit of torment, say “aye.”

Everyone, including Stoner: Aye.

[Stoner is tossed into the lava. He screams in agony as he sinks. The words “Stoner was not An Impostor” appear on screen.]

Forgive or Forget?
Captain: Well, gang, we may not have found the killer this time, but something tells me we’re about to crack this case wide open.

[Scene cuts to Mother and Player running to the Specimen room. Captain follows close behind.]

Mother: All right. So who’s going to kill who?

Captain: I wanna kill Veteran. Player only has enough room in his life for one B.F.F. You probably want him dead too, don’t you, Player? You know, revenge for him betraying you in the last round and all?

Player: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’ll get to Veteran. But our primary target is Mr. Egg. He’s the biggest threat.

Mother: Really?

Captain: Mr. Egg? The lackey who follows the Gentleman’s every command? That’s our biggest threat?

Player: Yes. Now come on. Let’s get out of--

[Veteran walks in.]

Veteran: Hey, fellow crewmates. Any cool tasks in here?

Captain: Mother, he’s on to us!

Mother: Sic 'em!

Veteran: Huh?

[They rush at Veteran. Camera cuts to Player looking annoyed, while sounds of flesh impacting and Veteran grunting are heard offscreen. Slight pause.]

Franklin: (offscreen) Kill!

Mother: (offscreen) Oh my God. That was Franklin’s first word!

Player: (long-suffering sigh)

Giving Away a Friend
[Player reports Veteran’s body.]

Captain: Holy cow! What?! Another murder?! That’s crazy.

Player: It was Mother.

Mother: (nervous laughter) What? (through gritted teeth) Player, why are you--

Player: I was in the room when it all went down. I saw everything. It was definitely her.

The Gentleman: And why should we believe you?

Mr. Egg: Eggs-quisite question, sir!

Player: Please, just vote out Mother. I know it’s her. If she’s not Impostor, vote me out next round.

Engineer: I suppose that makes sense.

Mother: Folks, folks, it’s not me. We can work this out--

Captain: Save it for the swap meet, Grandma! All those in favor of voting out Mother, say “aye.”

Everyone except Mother: Aye!

Mother: But my childreeeeee--

[Mother is tossed in the lava. She bobs up and screams horrifically before sinking into the lava again. The words “Mother was An Impostor” appear on screen. Scene cuts back to the office.]

A Cheesy Reveal
The Gentleman: Ah! Looks like you were telling the truth, Mr. Player.

Mr. Egg: Yes, and there are only a few tasks left to complete.

Engineer: Onward, crewmates!

Gnome: To victory!

[Mr. Egg and the Gentleman zip off through the left doorway.]

Engineer: Let’s go, babe.

[Gnome and Engineer zip out of the Office.]

Captain: Hey, uh, Player? You did know that Mother was one of us Impostors, right?

Player: Yes, Captain. Obviously I knew that. But we’re so close to my first win! I couldn’t take any chances. I needed everyone to trust me. If you and me can pull off a double kill right now, the Impostors are victorious. You’re going to take the Gentleman. Mr. Egg is mine. He needs to suffer.

Captain: Why are you so obsessed with Mr. Egg all of a sudden?

Player: Nyeh, don’t worry about that. Let’s go.

[Player walks off stage left. Captain leaves off stage right, before turning around and leaving stage left with Player. Scene cuts to a map of Polus. Player and Captain, represented by icons, leave the office and go to the O2 room, while upbeat music plays. They stop just outside O2, where the Gentleman and Mr. Egg are doing their tasks.]

Player: Quick! Now’s our chance!

[Captain runs up to the Gentleman, who turns around to face him.]

The Gentleman: Oh, good evening, Captain. Nice of you to--Guh!

[Captain snaps his neck.]

Captain: Hey Player! I did it! I snapped TheGentleman’s neck.

Mr. Egg: Oh my God! You monsters!

Player: This is it, Mr. Egg. (pulling out a knife) Any last words before I slice you into a million pieces?

Mr. Egg: I don’t understand, Player! What did I do to you?

“Player”: Oh, you didn’t do anything to Player. But my name is not Player.

Mr. Egg: What?!

Captain: No! It can’t be!

“Player”: My name…

[He pulls off his Player disguise, revealing none other than--]

Mr. Cheese: MISTER CHEESE!!!

[Mr. Cheese whips his knife to and fro, slicing Mr. Egg to bits! The screen cuts to black. It fades back in on Player, the real Player, spawning in the empty lobby.]

Player: Guys? Guys? Huh. I guess they must have started without me.

Voice on soundtrack: Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!

[The credits roll while Veteran’s rap song "Top Speed" plays.]