BOYFRIEND vs. BOB?! Friday Night Funkin' Logic/Transcript

In This Video...
(Player and Girlfriend yelp as Bob transitions from his Trouble form to his Onslaught form).

Bob: LISTEN HERE, YOU SICK LITTLE RAT. I LOOKED AT YOU AS A FUN JOKE FOR MY OWN GAIN. INSTEAD SOMEHOW YOU COME AROUND AND RUIN EVERYTHING.

Girlfriend: WE didn't do anything!

Bob: I WILL NOT LET THIS GO EASILY, PUNK.

Player: Do your worst!

Earlier That Day...
(Player and Girlfriend arrive in the Bob Mod.)

Girlfriend: Aw, what a happy little world! (gasps) Look, Player! The SUN is even smiling!

(We see the sun, which is smiling.)

Girlfriend: Did a kid draw this?

Player: Let’s hope so.

(Bob walks over.)

Bob: What are you?

Player: Uh, Whoa dude, manners much?

Girlfriend: My name is Girlfriend.

Bob: You Boyfriend?

Player: If you’re asking if I’m her boyfriend, then yes. If you’re asking if my NAME is Boyfriend, then also yes, but only because I’m in this game. Otherwise, my name’s Player.

Bob: You look stupid.

Player: I look stupid? Dude, have you seen your world lately? It’s like a toddler drew it! Happy smiling suns are for babies!

(The sun frowns as the sky turns grey and begins to cloud over.)

Girlfriend: Player, aw, you made it sad!

Player: He started it!

Bob: What was that for? You’ve made Bob angry.

Player: You named your son Bob?

Bob: No, I’m Bob. You made me so mad, bro!

Player: Oh my God, everything about this mod is so basic! Nice Dream costume, by the way.

Bob: Huh?

Girlfriend: Yeah, who’s Dream?

Player: The famous Minecrafter?

Girlfriend: …Minecraft?

Player: Never mind.

Bob: I will make you pay.

(Bob crushes his microphone with his fist and reverts to his Run form as the sunny hill becomes a hellscape.)

Player: Well this took a turn for the worse.

Girlfriend: You just HAD to make fun of him, didn’t you?

Player: I don’t know what you’re complaining about, you’re literally a demon. You should feel right at home here!

Girlfriend: Player!

Bob: PREPARE TO DIE. I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER.

Player: Bring it on, googly eyes!

(Player and Bob sing “Run”. Player stops the song midway.)

Player: Seriously? This song is just a bunch of note mashing! It doesn’t even sound good! And the eyes thing is freaking me out.

Bob: WHOA, WHAT THE FUDGE?

Player: Yeah, sorry Bob, but I’m not feeling it. This mod is lame.

Bob: YOU INSULT THE GREAT BOB?!

Girlfriend: Can’t we just go back to that happy fun world?

Bob: PREPARE FOR BOB'S ONSLAUGHT.

(Player starts to glow white.)

Player: Whoa, hey, what’s going –

(Player turns maroon and vanishes.)

Girlfriend: Player!

(Girlfriend starts to glow white.)

Girlfriend: Oh no, it’s happening to me –

(Girlfriend turns maroon, then into a hamburger briefly, and vanishes. Bob reverts to his Sunshine form.)

Vs. Ron
(Player and Girlfriend are now back in the sunny field, only there is now a highway cutting through it.)

Girlfriend: OK. What in the ACTUAL heck is going on here?!

Player: Did I see you turn into a hamburger?

(Ron appears out of thin air.)

Ron: Heh! Knew this day would come.

Girlfriend: And who are you supposed to be?

Ron: The name’s Ron. What’s your name, little fella?

Player: (sighs) My name is Player. Can we just get to the part where I beat you in a rap battle already?

Girlfriend: Kick his butt, Player.

Player: Easily! I’m not about to lose to some Windows 95-looking clippie rip-off!

Ron: Oh yeah, well what’s wrong with you? You looking like a, uh… um… you look like a, uh… um… you kinda look like a, uh… um… kinda like a, uh… um… um… wait, uh… kinda like a, uh… mmm… mmm… Wait, let me think… mmm… uh… er…

Player: OK, enough! You’re clearly not smart enough to think of a comeback!

Ron: Oh really? Well you dumber than a, uh… mmm…

Girlfriend: Please stop.

Ron: Shut up! I hate Girlfriend! She’s stupid and ugly and I am cool.

Girlfriend: OK, I’m about to go demon mode and MURDER THIS IDIOT!

Player: And he would deserve it. But let me just beat him in a rap battle and put him out of his misery.

Girlfriend: MAKE IT HURT.

Ron: You want rap? I can do some cool rap.

(Ron takes out his microphone.)

Ron: One day, I’m gonna have my own famous mod: VS Ron the Cool Guy!

Player: I sincerely hope not.

(Player and Ron sing “Ron”. Player wins.)

Ron: Nice job on battle rap –

(Suddenly, a black spike stabs Ron through the chest.)

Ron: Gonna die… but in… a cool way…

Vs. Bob: Rematch
(Ron collapses, dead as the sky clouds over again. Bob is standing behind him in his Trouble form.)

Girlfriend: I feel no sorrow in his passing.

Player: Dark.

Bob: You beat Ron? He was so cool.

Girlfriend: No, he wasn't.

Player: What do you know about cool? You looking like you're about to make some Ender Pearl trades!

Bob: What?

Player: Ender Pearls, from Minecraft? Cause, you still look like Dream? Remember how I said -

Bob: END OF DIALOGUE.

(Player and Girlfriend yelp as Bob transitions from his Trouble form to his Onslaught form).

Bob: LISTEN HERE, YOU SICK LITTLE RAT. I LOOKED AT YOU AS A FUN JOKE FOR MY OWN GAIN. INSTEAD SOMEHOW YOU COME AROUND AND RUIN EVERYTHING.

Girlfriend: WE didn't do anything! YOU were the one that killed Ron!

Bob: YOU MADE SUN SAD.

Girlfriend: That's true...

Player: Oh my God, get over it already!

Bob: I WILL NOT LET THIS GO EASILY. NOW I PLAY A VERY HARD SONG, PUNK.

Player: Do your worst!

(Player and Bob sing "Onslaught". Player wins. Bob begins to glitch.)

Bob: I SEE HOW IT IS. YOU WIN IN THIS SCENARIO. ALL HOPE IS LOST FOR ME. BUT I'LL BE HERE. WATCHING.

Vs. Little Man
(After defeating Bob again, Player and Girlfriend are back in the highway.)

Player: OK, it's official: this is the weirdest mod we've ever played.

Girlfriend: And the creepiest.

Little Man: There ain't nothing creepy about little ol' me!

Player: Huh?

Girlfriend: Who said that?

Little Man: Down here!

(The camera scrolls down.)

Little Man: It's me, Little Man, the littlest of all the men!

Player: You don't look too happy about it.

Little Man: Would you be?

Player: I guess not.

Girlfriend: Doesn't seem like it would come with too many advantages.

Little Man: Now what do you chumps want?

Player: Honestly, to beat this mod and get out of here.

Girlfriend: Yeah...

Little Man: Well then you came to the wrong place, because nobody can defeat me! I am the greatest rap battler in all the land! FEAR ME! (laughs maniacally, then stops) Why aren't you fearing me? Is it because I'm little?

Player: No, it's just that literally everyone I've faced has said that they're the greatest rap battler, and I've beaten all of them!

Little Man: But would you be as tiny as me?

Player: Uh, no?

Little Man: Then it looks like you've met your match!

Girlfriend: Not sure if we're following your logic there, Little Man...

Little Man: Being small is my secret weapon! It makes me have the sickest bars imaginable!

(Little Man draws his microphone.)

Little Man: Prepare to lose, dummy!

Player: OK, let's get this over with!

(Player and Little Man sing "Little Man". Player wins.)

Little Man: NO! My tininess isn't enough to defeat you! Time to change my strategy!

(Little Man begins to revert to Tankman and starts singing like him.)

Girlfriend: (sobs) Make it stop, Player!

Player: Gladly.

(Player puts his foot on Little Man, crushing him.)

Player: Yep, he's dead.

Girlfriend: Good.

Player: Lte's get out of here.

(Player and Girlfriend exit the mod. After a jumpscare, the video ends.)