Among Us Logic 10/transcript

Prologue
[Mr. Cheese plugs the episode’s sponsor, Displate. Full transcript to be added later.]

[Scene opens on Captain’s POV. He is pointing a gun at a trembling, sweating Player.]

Player: Captain! Shoot him! He’s the fake Player.

Playerbot: No, fellow crewmate. This non-humanoid Player should be your primary target. Eliminate! Eliminate!

Captain: Gah...It could be either of you!

[Record scratch SFX]

Player: Really? I feel like it’s pretty obvious.

Playerbot: Affirmative. This replicant is clearly the robot. Initiate termination procedure, Captain.

Player: (irritated sigh)

Captain: It’s just too hard to tell! Guess I’ll just have to shoot one of you at random.

[He cocks the gun and points it at Player.]

Player: Wait-wait-wait! Hold on a sec!

Playerbot: Yes. Maybe we can formulate another plan?

Captain: Well..I could ask a series of questions only the real Player would know.

Player: Yes! Yes! Let’s do that. Great idea, Captain.

Playerbot: Uh, on second thought, maybe let’s just shoot one of us at random. Preferably the real Player--Uh, I mean, the fake Player.

Captain: Not a chance, pal! And question numero one-o is for you. What--

[Camera quickly cuts to Playerbot sparking and fizzling, then cuts back to Captain]

Captain: --is my favorite color?

Playerbot: Oh, uh...Calculating.

[Playerbot scans Captain with a red laser.]

Playerbot: I’m going to guess...white?

Captain: Yep! That’s the right answer! You nailed it, buddy. Nice work.

Player: Seriously?!?

Captain: All right Player, if that’s even your real name, this next one should be a cake walk. What...is Euler’s formula for calculating polyhedra?

Player: What?! I don’t know that! How do you know that?

Captain: Actually, I’m not sure. Seems pretty off-brand for me, to be honest.

Player: Ooh! I know, I know!

Captain: Go ahead, real Player.

[A “Loading” bar appears on Playerbot’s visor.]

Playerbot: You can solve for chi with the number of vertices minus the number of edges, plus the number of faces, equals 2.

Captain: Bingo! Correct again! That’s strike two for you, Player. Looks like you’re out.

Player: No, wait! There’s three strikes in baseball.

Captain: Well, sorr-ee, Mr. Robot! I don’t know the rules. I never played as a kid because running in pants made me chafe. The real Player would have known that. So that’s strike three.

Player: Okay, okay, just stop, okay? Let me tell my side of the story, and you’ll see that this very obvious robot next to me is not the real Player.

[Captain slowly looks over at Playerbot, who is sparking and whose visor is displaying an error message. He looks back at the real Player.]

Captain: Go on.

Player: Okay. It all started about ten minutes ago.

Beware the Bots!
[We flash back to the beginning of the match, where Player and Veteran are assigned Impostors. They spawn on Polus.]

Player: Nice. I love it when we get to be Impostors together.

Veteran: Keep your voice down. There are eyes everywhere.

Player: Dude, don’t be so paranoid. There aren’t any cameras in here.

Veteran: Yeah, but I was reading online that there are bots in this game now that help you cheat. They have supersonic hearing and can see through walls with their special heat vision. Not to mention they’re practically invincible. They only have one weakness.

Player: And what’s that?

Veteran: Bullets.

Player: Pretty sure that’s everyone’s weakness, Veteran. Come on, let’s go kill somebody.

[Camera cuts to the Gentlebot’s POV, showing Player and Veteran in thermal vision. The two leave stage right.]

Veteran: (muffled) Shh, they can hear you.

Mr. Cheese: The Gentlebot, report.

Gentlebot: Targets are on the move.

Mr. Cheese: Good, good. All according to plan. (goofy laugh)

The First Signs
[Scene cuts to Veteran and Player walking in on Bro and Mother in the boiler room.]

Player: Okay, there are two of them and two of us. I think our plan is pretty obvious.

Veteran: Right, right, right. Totally. But, uh, just for fun, can you say it out loud?

[Player holds up a gun.]

Player: We’re gonna kill them at the same time, Veteran.

Veteran: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. For serious. I was thinking the exact same thing.

Player: Okay. You go kill Mother, and I’ll go take care of Bro.

Veteran: Dude, I don’t wanna kill Mother. Those mini crewmates freak me out.

Player: Ugh, fine! You go kill Bro, and I’ll go kill Mother.

Veteran: Deal! I’ll give you the signal.

[Camera cuts to show that Mother and Bro overheard them, and are now glaring at them.]

Mother: Ahem! What’s that now?

Bro: Yeah, what the H-E-double hockey sticks are you talking about, Broseph?

Veteran: Player, now!

[Veteran shoots Bro, and Player shoots Mother. They both fall to the floor.]

Player: That was a close one!

Veteran: Ah, dude, we should have killed them with our knives. Now we don’t know if they were bots or not.

[Camera cuts to Bro’s and Mother’s corpses on the floor, with bullet holes through their heads and flies buzzing around them. Timmy and Franklin are crying and comforting each other.]

Player: Pretty sure they weren’t bots, Veteran.

The Two Cheaters
[The scene cuts to the Gentlebot’s POV again, showing Player and Veteran and the bodies in thermal vision, before switching to a shot of the Gentlebot and Mr. Cheese.]

Gentlebot: The Impostors have eliminated Bro and Mother.

Mr. Cheese: Then it’s time. (goofy evil laugh)

[Mr. Cheese calls an emergency meeting (although the “body reported” sound plays instead of the emergency meeting sound). Scene cuts to the surviving crewmates at the meeting.]

Mr. Cheese: Everyone vote out Veteran and Player! They’re the Impostors. I saw them kill Bro and Mother.

Captain: My God! Say it’s not so, Player!

Player: It’s not so.

Captain: Oh, thank goodness.

Veteran: Yeah. Player and I didn’t kill anyone.

Mr. Cheese: But I saw them! The Gentleman here can confirm. (to Gentlebot) Gentlebot, activate lie confirmation mode.

Gentlebot: Activated. Mr. Cheese is telling the truth. I saw them commit the murders with my own two human eyes, which are made of flesh.

Captain: I also have two human eyes that are made of flesh. Compelling argument as always, the Gentleman.

Gentlebot: Also, might I add that Mr. Cheese is looking really nice today.

Mr. Cheese: (bashful) The Gentleman, please, we’re in public.

Player: Doesn’t anyone think it’s a little sus that the Gentleman is complimenting Mr. Cheese? He never does that.

Veteran: I don’t know. Mr. Cheese does look pretty nice today.

Captain: All right, people. It’s time to vote. And right now, it’s a he-said, he-said, he-said, he-said. So I’m going to suggest we vote out Poopyfarts instead.

Poopyfarts96: (fart noise)

Captain: I’m sorry, Poopyfarts. It’s nothing personal. It’s just, you’ve been so quiet this whole time. Pretty sus!

Poopyfarts96: (fart noise)

Captain: I think we can do without the vulgarity, Poopyfarts! You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Poopyfarts96: (fart noise)

Captain: Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I had no idea. But I’m still voting you out! Emotions don’t matter -- only logic and reason.

Player: All right, let’s get this over with. All those in favor of voting out Poopyfarts, say “aye.”

Player, Veteran, and Captain: Aye!

[Poopyfarts96 is dropped into lava. He bobs up and screams horrifically before sinking down again. The words “Poopyfarts96 was not An Impostor” appear onscreen. Cut to Player and Veteran hiding in the vents.]

The Private Plan
Veteran: Dude, vents are great for getting around the map, but it’s not exactly an ideal place for a conversation.

Player: I know, I know. But this might be the only place that’s safe. I think you were right about the bots, Veteran. Something is definitely going on with the Gentleman and Mr. Cheese.

Veteran: Yes!

[He pumps his fist, but in his excitement he bonks his head against the top of the tunnel.]

Veteran: Ow!

Player: So let’s go hunt them down together. We can stay out of their sight by traveling through the vents. Once we find them, it’s an easy double kill for the win.

[Player starts to crawl off stage right.]

Veteran: Cool. Just remember to use your gun, Player. It’s their only weakness.

[Veteran follows Player.]

The Robotic Reveal!
Player, offscreen: That doesn’t make any sense, Veteran!

[Scene cuts to Player and Veteran popping out of the vent, outside Communications. They walk into the room, where the Gentleman and Mr. Cheese are doing tasks.]

Veteran: Freeze, robot scum!

Mr. Cheese: The Gentlebot! How did he get past your defenses?

Gentlebot: They must have used the vents. I am sorry, Mr. Cheese. I hate to disappoint you. Especially when you look so nice today.

Mr. Cheese: (blushing) Aww, Gentlebot.

[Player and Veteran draw weapons. Veteran has a gun, Player has a knife.]

Player: Veteran, attack!

[Veteran shoots Mr. Cheese. Player charges at Gentlebot.]

Mr. Cheese: --Guh!--Mr...Cheese!

Player: (battle cry)

[Player stabs Gentlebot in the visor, who recoils with error sounds.]

Player: Yes! I did it! ...Wait, what?

Gentlebot: You should have listened to your friend, Player.

[The Gentlebot pulls out the knife, ripping off his “skin” in the process and revealing a scary robotic face.]

Player: What the?!

Veteran: Dude! I told you.

Gentlebot: Now you will pay for killing Mr. Cheese who, even in death, is looking really nice today. Initiate termination sequence.

[Gentlebot obliterates Veteran with a powerful laser beam. Veteran is reduced to a pile of ashes, and his crown falls to the ground.]

Veteran: Gaaaugh!

Player: What?! Crewmates can’t kill Impostors!

Gentlebot: I’m a bot. I can do whatever I want. Here, watch this.

[In a shadow discretion shot, Gentlebot morphs into an appearance like Player’s.]

Player: No, this isn’t possible!

Playerbot: Look at me. I’m such a loser. I never get to win this game. Whine. Whine. Whine. Whine.

Player: All right, now that’s just uncalled for.

Now Thats a Shot!
[Captain walks in and finds the gun on the floor. He picks it up.]

Captain: Dibs! Sweet, a gun. Wait a minute, what the heck is going on here?

[Scene cuts back to the present.]

Player: So that’s the whole story. Please, Captain. I know it’s crazy and it doesn’t make any sense, but I swear on my life that it’s the truth!

Captain: Don’t worry, Player. I believe you.

Player: Really? Oh, thank God.

Captain: Yeah, there’s just one thing.

Player: What is it?

Captain: If all that’s true, then that means you’re an Impostor. And I’m a Crewmate.

Player: Oh. Uh...Yeah. I guess.

[Captain shoots Player.]

Player: Gah!

Playerbot: Nice one. Player loses yet again. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Captain: Wait. But if I can shoot a gun, doesn’t that mean I’m also a bot?

Playerbot: Yes, it does...Captain Bot.

Captain: Captain...Bot?

[Mathematical symbols fly across his face as a voiceover of him saying various robotic things from the episode, as well as binary code, is heard.]

Captain: Oh. Okay. Yeah, the bot thing checks out.

[Episode ends.]