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(The episode opens on Veteran hopping from foot to foot, accompanied by a rap beat. He poses at himself in the bathroom mirror. Player knocks on the door.)
Player: Come on, Veteran! You’re up!
Veteran: Just, uh, just give me a minute! All right, Veteran. You only get one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
(We see Veteran rapping on stage, with Player as a backup dancer and Stoner as a DJ. The crowd cheers.)
Crowd: Veteran! Veteran! Veteran!
(We cut to the lobby, revealing that Veteran is dreaming.)
Player: Veteran!
Veteran: Whuh! I’m awake, I’m awake.
Player: Let me guess, the 8-mile dream again?
Veteran: Yeah.
Player: How’d the gorillas react?
Veteran: Oh, no, that’s the weird part. This time, the crowd was just normal people.
Player: Well, there’s no more time for napping. Captain says he’s gonna make an important announcement soon.
Veteran: Tight.
TheGentleman: Salutations, my good sirs!
Veteran: What’s up, my homies?
Player: Hey, TheGentleman! ...And Mr. Egg.
Mr. Egg: What do you think Captain’s announcement is going to be?
Player: "What do you think Captain’s announcement’s gonna be?" That’s how stupid you sound all the time, Mr. Egg! You idiot! You dumb dork moron!
TheGentleman: Mr. Player! You forget yourself.
Veteran: Yeah, dude! You’re giving off a really weird energy right now.
Player: He started it!
Captain: All right, pay attention, everyone. I thought maybe we could try something a little bit different this round. What do you think about adding a third Impostor?
TheGentleman: A third Impostor? That’s lunacy!
Mr. Egg: “It’s lunacy,” he says!
(Player mocks Mr. Egg again.)
Mother: Yeah! Two Impostors are bad enough. Think of the children!
Stoner: Dude, like, it just seems like it might mess with the whole vibe, you know?
Engineer: Technically speaking, it would make it exponentially more difficult to win as a Crewmate.
Gnome: I agree with Engineer! He’s so smart, and handsome...
Veteran: Dude, how the heck did Engineer pull such a smoking hottie? Hubba hubba!
Player: Everyone looks exactly the same here, Veteran.
Veteran: OK, yeah. Just keep telling yourself that, pal.
Captain: Enough, everyone. I hear you loud and clear. You don’t want to add a third Impostor. But since we know that these informal pow-wow sessions are largely informal, I’m gonna go ahead with the changes anyway.
Player: Yeah, that seems about right.
(Player, Mother, and Captain are the Impostors. Everyone spawns in Polus, and everyone but Player, Veteran and Captain run off to do tasks.)
Veteran: Dudes, why’d we stop? Let’s go finish our tasks together. I’m probably gonna need help with at least all of them.
Player: Hey, you go on ahead, Veteran. I’m just gonna hang out with Captain for a bit.
Veteran: Wait...why?
Player: Well...uh...because-
Captain: Because he’s best friends with me now! And you’re cramping our style.
Veteran: ...Player? Is this true?
Player: Uh...yeah. I’m best friends with Captain now.
Captain: Get lost, loser! I’m in, and you’re out.
Veteran: Fine! Then I guess I won’t be needing this anymore!
(Veteran whips a BBF bracelet off his arm and throws it on the ground before running away crying. Captain takes the bracelet.)
Captain: Dibs!
Player: I know you were trying to get rid of him so we could work together as Impostors, but that was a little harsh, don’t you think?
Captain: Oh yeah, we are both Impostors, aren’t we? I totally forgot about that whole thing.
Mother: Oh, howdy, gang! I am really loving being on the Impostor team for once, ha ha! So, how many people have you killed?
Player: Uh, zero. How many have you killed?
Mother: Ah, just the one so far. But Timmy here did most of the stabbing!
(Mother pats Timmy on the head, who draws a knife and smiles.)
Mother: They grow up so fast!
(Veteran reports Cub's body.)
Captain: Geez louise! I am totally surprised to find out a murder just happened! It probably wasn’t Mother or anything.
Stoner: Yeah, like, I wasn’t thinking it was her at all.
Captain: Cool, cool, cool. Sounds like we’re all on the same page.
TheGentleman: I, for one, believe the killer to be none other than Veteran!
Veteran: What? But I’m the guy who reported the body! When I ran past it in Admin, I was like “Oh my God, no way. Someone should totally report this.” Then I realized that someone should probably be me.
Engineer: If I might interject, there’s a reasonable probability that it’s Stoner.
Stoner: Dude, unchill!
Engineer: I’m sorry, Stoner. But I did see you near Admin not long before Veteran reported.
Gnome: I love it when you use that big, big brain of yours, babe! You know so many facts.
Engineer: With the most important fact being that I love you times infinity.
Gnome: Aw!
Veteran: Barf. Can we please get on with the voting?
Stoner: Yeah, I’ll gladly vote myself out so I don’t have to hear any more of that gooey romantic crap.
Captain: All those in favour of casting Stoner into the cruel, fiery lava pit of torment, say aye.
Everyone: Aye!
(Stoner is thrown into the lava.)
Captain: Well gang, we may not have found the killer this time, but something tells me we’re about to crack this case wide open!
(Player, Captain and Mother go to the Specimen Room.)
Mother: All right, so who’s going to kill who?
Captain: I wanna kill Veteran. Player only has enough room in his life for one BFF! You probably want him dead too, don’t you, Player? You know, revenge for him betraying you in the last round and all?
Player: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we’ll get to Veteran. But our primary target is Mr. Egg. He’s the biggest threat.
Mother: Really?
Captain: Mr. Egg? The lackey who follows TheGentleman’s every command? That’s our biggest threat?
Player: Yes. Now come on, let’s get out of-
Veteran: Hey, fellow Crewmates! Any cool tasks in here?
Captain: Mother, he’s onto us!
Mother: Sic 'em!
Veteran: Huh?
(Captain and Mother dive at Veteran. Player watches as they kill him.)
Franklin: Kill!
Mother: Oh my God, that was Franklin’s first word!
(Player sighs. They self-report.)
Captain: Holy cow! What? Another murder? That’s crazy!
Player: It was Mother!
Mother: What? (Aside) Player, why are you-
Player: I was in the room when it all went down! I saw everything! It was definitely her.
TheGentleman: And why should we believe you?
Mr. Egg: Eggs-quisite question, sir!
Player: Please, just vote out Mother. I know it’s her. If she’s not An Impostor, vote me out next round.
Engineer: I suppose that makes sense.
Mother: Folks, folks, it’s not me! We can work this out-
Captain: Save it for the swap meet, Grandma! All those in favour of voting out Mother, say “aye.”
Everyone Except Mother: Aye!
Mother: But my children-
(Mother is thrown into the lava.)
TheGentleman: Ah! Looks like you were telling the truth, Mr. Player.
Mr. Egg: Yes, and there are only a few tasks left to complete!
Engineer: Onward, Crewmates!
Gnome: To victory!
(TheGentleman and Mr. Egg leave.)
Engineer: Let’s go, babe!
(Gnome and Engineer leave the other way.)
Captain: Hey, uh, Player? You did know that Mother was one of us Impostors, right?
Player: Yes, Captain. Obviously I knew that. But we’re so close to my first win! I couldn’t take any chances. I needed everyone to trust me. If you and me can pull off a double kill right now, the Impostors are victorious! You’re going to take TheGentleman. Mr. Egg is mine. He needs to suffer.
Captain: Why are you so obsessed with Mr. Egg all of a sudden?
Player: Eh, don’t worry about that. Let’s go.
(Player and Captain follow TheGentleman and Mr. Egg to O2.)
Player: Quick, now’s our chance!
(Captain walks up to TheGentleman.)
TheGentleman: Oh, good evening, Captain! Nice of you to-
(Captain snaps TheGentleman's neck.)
Captain: Hey Player, I did it! I snapped TheGentleman’s neck!
Mr. Egg: Oh my God! You monsters!
Player: This is it, Mr. Egg. (Draws knife) Any last words before I slice you into a million pieces?
Mr. Egg: I don’t understand, Player! What did I do to you?
Player: Oh, you didn’t do anything to Player. But my name's not Player.
Mr. Egg: What?
Captain: No... It can’t be!
Player: My name…
["Player" pulls off his suit, revealing none other than-)
Mr. Cheese: MR. CHEESE!!!!!
(Mr. Cheese slices Mr. Egg into pieces, killing him. Meanwhile, the real Player spawns in the lobby.)
Player: Guys? Guys? Huh. I guess they must have started without me.